“Red Rover, Red Rover send the Pansy right OVER!”
Ahh, yes……those great recess games that we all played as kids at school. Red Rover was one of my favorites. Two teams, the kids on each team stood side by side, arms out-stretched, with their hands joined with the kids next to them, then one team faced the other with about thirty feet of open playground between them. As each team took turns calling out the name of another on the opposite team, the kid would run full-out toward the opposite team and try to break through the human chain. Occassionally, someone would get clothes-lined or come away with a bloody nose. But when you were 10, who didn’t want to see blood spraying from Rodger’s nose like a split garden hose? Good times.
Course there was tag, touch football, and everybody’s favorite – dodgeball! Shit, dodgeball was a staple in 7th grade PE in the winter! We were good for at least twenty minutes, while the PE teacher played grab-ass with the school secretary in his office. Put us in the gym, divide into two teams, one team with their backs up against one of the cinder block walls, and the opposite team winging those small, red rubber playground balls at the other. It was a blast! Sure – that inflatable ball stung like a hornet as it ricocheted off your face or, you took a grounder to the man marbles off the gymnasium’s hardwood – but it was certainly nothing life-threatening.
A few months ago, an elementary school south of Boston actually banned the game of tag and touch football. WHAT?!! You’ve GOT to be KIDDING ME!! This same area of the country also banned dodgeball a few years ago, citing it was dangerous and excluded some kids. Umm….yeah, OK. And I love this quote from the school principal who said, “Recess is a time when accidents can happen.” Yes – that is true. However, is banning a game like tag going to eliminate playground accidents entirely? NO! Absolutely not.
And there have been similar bans at other schools in Wyoming, Washington, South Carolina, and California. A school in Santa Monica said they banned tag because it “creates self-esteem issues among weaker and slower kids.” Umm….yes, that’s entirely possible. But it’s called survival. It’s called finding yourself. It’s called building your self-esteem by learning from some not-so-pleasant experiences. It’s called stand up for yourself, or some other kid is gonna kick the crap outa ya. Quite simple really.
Oh, and if you’re one of those hyper-protective parents that’s going to post a comment that reads something like “…Well, little Jimmy is a sensitive child.”, or “…Sarah is intimidated by the bigger kids.” – SHUT IT! Sure, we all know what serious bullying is all about. As a parent myself, I don’t want my son bullied either. But there’s a huge difference between bullying and some classic recess games.
So for all you parents and school administrators out there, STOP sucking the life out of recess for kids everywhere by banning these games! Have you ever stopped to think that by doing so, you may actually be helping to build an entire generation of pansies? Sure. Fast forward twenty-five years, Jimmy (the sensitive kid), get’s so rattled by a confrontation with a co-worker at the office that he calls in sick the next day to 'recover' (hide). And Sarah is still so intimidated by others that she has to wait until the break room clears out before she can heat up her soup in the microwave. Sneak up behind her and holler “DODGEBALL!” just as she’s hitting the Start button, and she’ll shoot a stream of piss down her leg.
Congratulations folks – you’ve successfully managed to hone your kids into the finest bunch of dysfunctional adult candy-asses that we’ve seen in years! Nice work.
-Greg
